Art for Art’s Sake

I dunno how the hell I ended up in Knoxville frikin’ Tennessee. I mean, it’s not that bad, yunno? But who’dda thought I’d end up here.

I remember when it all started too. I mean, there I was, just doin’ my thing, yunno? I didn’ know what I was gonna walk into. I come walkin’ in to Jerry’s to grab a beer and maybe a sandwich or somethin’ and wham! I mean, it’s a little early and the doors were locked but I gotta key on account a’ I’m a regular and wham! I open the door an’ there’s Jerry tied to a chair in the middle a’ the bar. He’s white as a frikin’ ghost, an Jerry’s a ciggy, so he ain’ all that white naturally. Joey Bruno an’ Sammy da bull are standin’ over him like a couple a’ vultures. Sammy’s got a bloody power drill in his hand an’ Jerry’s got a couple a bloody holes an’ this whole thing don’ look so good.

Anyways, Jerry, Joey an’ Sammy are, all three, lookin’ right at me. What the hell was I supposed to do? I just shut the door an’ stood there for a second. Ain’ no way I can save Jerry from those two goons an’ he’s dead now anyways, if he wasn’t already, on account a’ I walked in on them. Joey an’ Sammy ain’ gonna have no loose ends, yunno?

An’ then it hit me. I’m a frikin’ loose end. I dunno if Sammy knows me from frikin’ Adam but Joey’s my brother-in-law’s cousin so I seen him at family events all the time so I know he knows who I am. I’m frikin’ dead meat, I just haven’t fallen over yet.

Then I turn around ta run an’ there’s my answer. Seems somebody heard Jerry screamin’ an’ called the cops an’ they come creepin’ behind me so quiet I couldn’ hear them. Now I can’t run on account a’ that makes me an accessory so I did the only thing I could think of. I go over to the first cop who pulls up an’ starts talkin’ gibberish like I know somethin’ but I’m too scared to get my thoughts together. Hopefully, I’m thinkin’, if I can stall the cops long enough, Joey an’ Sammy will have time to get away. I’m makin’ lots a noise, yellin’ “Officer! Officer! It’s awful, what I seen! hopin’ Joey an’ Sammy’ll hear me an’ finish up right quick an’ get outta there.

That ways the cops’ll need an’ eye witness. An’ the Feds are sure to get involved if they think they can nab Sammy da Bull on account a’ his uncle Angelo’s second in line to Joey Bananas so Sammy’s bound to know more than his station would usually allow. The Feds are gonna be salivatin’ over a wrapped up murder wrap on Sammy ’cause that gives ‘em lots a ammo to get Sammy to turn State’s evidence. An’ all of that means I get Federal witness protection.

So Knoxville’s not so bad. I mean hey, I gotta work like any other schmuck now but at least I’m alive.