Art for Art’s Sake

I thought I could do it, you know, when the time came. I really did.

I mean, I been a model cop for fourteen years now. Hell, I aced every training class I ever took. I been in every situation I could possibly be in except this but I guess nothin’ really prepares you for the day you have to pull the trigger. I mean, I went over this in my head a thousand times, in a thousand different scenarios and this wasn’t all that different from what I’d imagined but it was different. This was real. This was a real kid. God, how old was he 20? 21? Who knows?

C’mon, open your eyes. Open your eyes. Let everybody know you’re gonna be okay. Everybody wants you to be okay. Just open your eyes.

God, it seems like years ago already, I can’t believe it’s only been a few days. I can still see his face. That was a face as hard and old and cold as anything I ever saw but he was so young at the same time. Christ, my Brit’s almost his age.

C’mon, move a finger. Open your eyes. Do something to let everbody know you’re okay.

How does that happen? I mean, you raise your kids to be the best. I mean, there’s no manual but you kinda know, and lord knows everybody and their brother gives you advice, and you put it all together and they mostly turn out okay. And I thank God every damn day that my kids turned out alright. I mean, you know, you have a bump here or there; you have little setbacks; little disapointments; but mostly everything works out and sometimes they do something that makes you so proud you just want to explode.

Just open one eye. Wiggle your toes. C’mon, everything’s gonna be okay.

I mean, his parents couldn’t be that different than Janey and me. It’s not like you raise your kid to be a bad apple. You certainly don’t raise your kid to be like that. Where did they go wrong? Or did they? Did they do anything different than Janey or I woulda done? How does it all fall apart like that? God, what the hell would I do if one a’ my kids turned out like that? I mean, you can’t not love your kids. Their your kids for Christ sake but how do you love a monster like that? But who knows? I guess he’s not all monster I mean, who is really? But he sure seemed about as cold blooded as they come.

C’mon, wake up. You know you wanna wake up.

And now whadda you do? I mean your kids on the run ’cause he shot a cop. And it ain’t like there’s any question, hell there had to be what, 10? 15 witnesses? Wadda you do if he shows up at home? Do you hide him out? Could I hide Chris if he’d done something like that? God, I don’t even wanna think about that.

I just wanna wake up. I just wanna tell everybody I’m gonna be okay. C’mon, open your eyes. Just open your damn eyes.

I dunno how the hell I ended up in Knoxville frikin’ Tennessee. I mean, it’s not that bad, yunno? But who’dda thought I’d end up here.

I remember when it all started too. I mean, there I was, just doin’ my thing, yunno? I didn’ know what I was gonna walk into. I come walkin’ in to Jerry’s to grab a beer and maybe a sandwich or somethin’ and wham! I mean, it’s a little early and the doors were locked but I gotta key on account a’ I’m a regular and wham! I open the door an’ there’s Jerry tied to a chair in the middle a’ the bar. He’s white as a frikin’ ghost, an Jerry’s a ciggy, so he ain’ all that white naturally. Joey Bruno an’ Sammy da bull are standin’ over him like a couple a’ vultures. Sammy’s got a bloody power drill in his hand an’ Jerry’s got a couple a bloody holes an’ this whole thing don’ look so good.

Anyways, Jerry, Joey an’ Sammy are, all three, lookin’ right at me. What the hell was I supposed to do? I just shut the door an’ stood there for a second. Ain’ no way I can save Jerry from those two goons an’ he’s dead now anyways, if he wasn’t already, on account a’ I walked in on them. Joey an’ Sammy ain’ gonna have no loose ends, yunno?

An’ then it hit me. I’m a frikin’ loose end. I dunno if Sammy knows me from frikin’ Adam but Joey’s my brother-in-law’s cousin so I seen him at family events all the time so I know he knows who I am. I’m frikin’ dead meat, I just haven’t fallen over yet.

Then I turn around ta run an’ there’s my answer. Seems somebody heard Jerry screamin’ an’ called the cops an’ they come creepin’ behind me so quiet I couldn’ hear them. Now I can’t run on account a’ that makes me an accessory so I did the only thing I could think of. I go over to the first cop who pulls up an’ starts talkin’ gibberish like I know somethin’ but I’m too scared to get my thoughts together. Hopefully, I’m thinkin’, if I can stall the cops long enough, Joey an’ Sammy will have time to get away. I’m makin’ lots a noise, yellin’ “Officer! Officer! It’s awful, what I seen! hopin’ Joey an’ Sammy’ll hear me an’ finish up right quick an’ get outta there.

That ways the cops’ll need an’ eye witness. An’ the Feds are sure to get involved if they think they can nab Sammy da Bull on account a’ his uncle Angelo’s second in line to Joey Bananas so Sammy’s bound to know more than his station would usually allow. The Feds are gonna be salivatin’ over a wrapped up murder wrap on Sammy ’cause that gives ‘em lots a ammo to get Sammy to turn State’s evidence. An’ all of that means I get Federal witness protection.

So Knoxville’s not so bad. I mean hey, I gotta work like any other schmuck now but at least I’m alive.

I’m just trying to get rid of that annoying test post that runs all over my page. I can’t understand why this stupid thing wouldn’t word wrap but it seems to be working fine now.

Hello, and welcome to my creative experiment.

This website isn’t meant to be much more than an electronic version of doodling on a napkin. Who knows though, it might evolve into more over time but I wouldn’t hold my breath over that if I were you. In fact the entire reason I have this site is to see if I could actually get a website up and running here on the internets.

In any case, I hope you enjoy what you find.

http://googlesystem.blogspot.com/2006/07/embed-mp3-files-into-your-website.html

http://www.filefreak.com/myfiles/My%20Music

http://www.feedburner.com/fb/a/publishers/buzzboost

http://feeds.feedburner.com/ArtForArtsSake

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